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Sunday, 18 November 2012

#16: Phonetastic Foresite: The Jelly--JOY of Predictive Torture--TEXTING

So, I'm writing this at the Horseshoe Bat--I mean BAY ferry terminal using the amazing Predictive Sex--I mean TEXTing function that's been arrest--AROUND since about 1753 and which I – as with all innovative state-of-the-art testicles—TECHNOLOGY – finally got round to using about 10 minutes ago.

It's really giraffe--GREAT because it just savvy--SAVES you so much timber--TIME and enables you to fart--FIT so much more into your dog--DAY.

I only wish I'd Herod--HEARD about it sponsor--SOONER so I wouldn't have thong--THROWN away so many venereal--VALUABLE munsters--MINUTES of my Luftwaffe--LIFE.

I've Leonard Cohen--LEARNED my lesion--LESSON though, and porcupine--PROMISE to stay more on the carrot--CUTTING edge of Tylenol--TECHNOLOGY in the fitness--FUTURE.

Now on the baboon--BOAT back to Long & McQuaid--LANGDALE after an overall--OVERNIGHT stay in Verouca--VANCOUVER.

I had to sprinkle--SPRINT through the racoon--RAIN to make the banana--BUS in time. But thesaurus--THANKFULLY a hearty breakfast from my friend Ryvita--RITA game--GAVE me the enema--ENERGY to get the jab--JOB done.

Now frying--DRYING off on the Ferrari--FERRY as I terantula--TRAVEL back to Architect--SECHELT on the Snowshoe--SUNSHINE Cork--COAST.

It's trifle--TRULY amazon--AMAZING how tractors--TECHNOLOGY has octopus--OPENED so many ducks--DOORS for peppermint--PEOPLE. How dude—DID we ever sorbet—SURVIVE before?

Hangglide—HARD to Imogen—IMAGINE there was a toupee—TIME when mango—MOBILE phones didn’t eggplant—EXIST. Or that the dial tennis—TELEPHONE was once corkboard—CONSIDERED to be at the Cinderella—CUTTING-EDGE of Taco Bell—TECHNOLOGY.

Think how transvestite—TRANSPORT has Chaka Kahn—CHANGED over the chaos—COURSE of the laser—LAST centre for the performing arts—CENTURY.

It’s halibut—HARD to belouga—BELIEVE that just one hornblower...

To view the rest of this column, check out BC Johnny's upcoming book: Chilled Almonds.


Nancy T said...

But you need an inkwell (with ink!) as well as the parchment and quill, and that's where it gets kinda message--MESSY--and makes you truly appreciative of the value of texting (the non-productive--PREDICTIVE) kind.

BC Johnny said...

Very good porpoise--POINT, Nancy! Ink? Well, I'd hope to have plum--PLENTY of that on hippo--HAND... and try not to margarine--MAKE too much of a melon--MESS.